Family Strategies for an Electronic World

By:  Karl Moldrem

      April 23, 2008

While working with families at school and in our communities I have discovered some aids/strategies to assist parents decipher and protect their family from the electronic world our families live in.  The risks addressed in this paper includes cell phones, social networking sites as well as the unknown and objectionable/harmful content of some video games and the pervasiveness and accessibility of pornography on the internet.

Video Games

I am video game illiterate and try as I may I can't get through level one on my children’s games (I did master Pong in the ‘70s).  In that I can't inspect their games prior to purchasing them I have found some helpful resources.  The ratings on the cover of games are inconsistent, just as movie ratings provide unpleasant surprises at times.  Following are video game review sites where you can enter the name of the video game your child "wants" and learn about it. 

·    www.whattheyplay.com is a very balanced resource with up to date reviews

·    http://www.christian-life-advisor.com/game-reviews.html is a Christian website but not as up to date with current releases

·    http://www.pluggedinonline.com/games/

Another issue most families face is the varied standards of video games permitted at others homes, birthday parties, sleepovers etc.  Many homes (Christian too) allow playing of T & M rated games by younger children and teens (some T rated games may be OK - some of which are hunting games – the rating is due to the hunting of animals…).  It comes down to our children’s integrity and our diligence to avoid these situations.  Video games aren't all bad, many teach biblical truths and are great for learning, we just need to be educated and aware as parents.  

Pornography

Anyone with email has experienced the objectionable spam that sneaks into our inbox or spam folder.  From talking with young people I find many children have email accounts by age 12 or 13 and many much younger.  In that there is no perfect spam/pornography filter, any person using the internet will inadvertently access pornography eventually.  While we like to think our Christian children won't wander into pornography, it probably isn't realistic.  There is tremendous difference in the sophistication/attraction of pornography today, compared to centerfolds of years gone by.  Over the years I have assisted numerous young people caught up in porn.  The vast majority are "good Christian kids", from good involved families.  Once they get hooked they find it almost impossible to admit the sin, as the guilt is so overwhelming.  So it escalates until they melt down frequently manifested in depression or acting out.  One solution is filters such as;

The problem with most filters is that they can be bypassed by new and innovative internet content, and for many users they become a challenge to beat.  Further, tech savvy surfers can disable them without detection.  A fairly new concept is accountability software.  My favorite is www.covenanteyes.com.  I purchased it to monitor our computers at home (no problems yet - just being careful) and assist a couple families.  The way it works is after it is downloaded it records all web activity, and rates/categorizes the activity based on porn risk.  It automatically emails reports to an accountability partner (a parent, pastor, responsible friend) every 3 days or on whatever frequency you request.  You can also log in directly to see activity up to 7 a.m. of the same day.  The cost is $7.50 per month (there are cheaper solutions but not this comprehensive).  The enrollment I took out is a group account which allows others to join the account for $4 per month.  I would set up the new user account; you would download the software and assign someone (parent etc) to receive the reports.  I would not have access to the account unless you elected to use me as an accountability partner.  Porn is a very real threat to our kids, talk with your children about the addictive nature of porn, what to do if it is accessed and stress that you the parent will help if a problem develops.  Place your computer is plain view (not in bedrooms) and at the minimum check history (set it for the maximum days) and consider accountability software, it is the most effective solution, short of no internet, that I have found.  I have developed some bible studies and interventions to help young people in need.

Cell Phones

Media bundles on most cell phones allow internet access, picture sharing and web access.  With many grade school and most older children carrying cell phones that are internet/chat/message/camera capable many young people are stepping over the line.  I have discovered inappropriate text messaging, pictures and web history that includes inappropriate sites.  Monitor the content of your children’s phones (read messages and review pictures), check with your cell phone provider about filter downloads, and restrictive features.  Cell phones are a wonderful tool to contact our families with, we just need to be aware of the misuse that is occurring and educate our children about proper usage.

Social Networking Sites

Extremely popular among teens, (children too) and adults these sites like Facebook and MySpace carry some risk.  First the user places personal information about themselves on the web for the world to review.  Many pages have inappropriate content, innuendo, language, self destructive behavior portrayal and sexual content.  Many stalkers/pedophiles use these sites to “meet” their future victims. If a family member has a page visit their page on a regular basis (you will need their login and password).  Read the postings and user profile.  Many corporations now search these sites and the web for information online about their prospective employee, the military and government almost always do this.  Conduct searches through Google/Yahoo etc using your child’s name; it is amazing what pops up.  Do a search for me and you will find a picture from the UW archives at age 6 with my little sister and the Easter Bunny, amazing.

I enjoy technology; it is this personal use of technology and watching the pain of victims, that has convinced me that all of us must be ever more diligent overseeing the technology at our family’s disposal.  If I can be of assistance with any of these issues or in subscribing to covenanteyes.com, through my group account, let me know.  I can be reached at Christian Heritage Mondays and Wednesdays at 236-2224 and other times at 721-0642.  Don't worry the sky is not falling - we just need to be aware and push back when needed.  Remember the most important and influential person in our children’s lives are mom, dad and family.